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Ask yourself: Do people like me?

You get promoted in this
world because people like you, not because you get work done. There’s
always more than one person who can get a job done. But everyone’s
personality is different, so when you want to differentiate yourself at
work, focus on your personality.

Showing the True You

In fact, people would rather work with someone they like who’s incompetent than someone who’s competent but not likable.

Keep
in mind that "likable" is not as subjective as it seems. Most people in
the office agree on who’s likable and who’s not. For example, most
people like Bill Clinton
– he just has a likable personality. Even the Bush family members,
Clinton’s political polar opposites, say they like his personality.

So,
if you want to get ahead at the office, you need to figure out how to
make yourself likable. Usually, it’s not a matter of changing your
personality, but rather making sure that your true personality shows through. Most people, if they’re true to themselves at work, are likable.

Ten Ways to Blow It

Then
again, most people think they’re more likable than they really are, and
therefore don’t try hard enough. There are many things that keep people
from being likable — here’s a list of 10 of them:

• Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism

You
probably don’t know if you’re using sarcasm as a defense mechanism, but
if you use it a lot, it’s a safe bet that it’s in a defensive way.

• Being quiet because you’re insecure

People
are inherently social animals. If you have nothing that you want to
say, then you’re probably not likable because you have nothing to offer.

But
if you do have things to say but don’t say them, then you’re not
likable only because you’re so insecure that you believe you’ll sound
stupid when you talk.

• Not revealing emotions at work

Keeping
to yourself emotionally makes you seem one-dimensional, and it’s hard
to convey likability with no depth. Most people who talk but don’t
reveal emotions are out of touch with their emotions. You have to know
them yourself to share them with other people.

Reaching Others by Reaching Out

• Being too smug — as in not asking for help or not revealing that you’ve had help along the way

To
show no gratitude or no need for others is to alienate yourself. You
might think that you make yourself look like Superman, able to do
anything in a single bound. But superheroes don’t really exist, and
real people need real help. So let them know you understand this by
asking for help and expressing appreciation.

• Not seeing people for who they are

If
you treat people who are powerful well and people who have no power
poorly then you aren’t seeing the whole person. Power structures don’t
define a person; they define a person’s clout. Treat everyone with
respect or you won’t deserve it yourself.

• Being bored by others

If
you’re not curious about other people, they won’t be interested in you.
The most likable people make other people feel interesting by genuinely
caring about them.

Me, Me, Me

• Being obsessed with your workload

If
you think work matters more than people, then that’ll be true — for
you. And people will expect you to be a workhorse but won’t want to get
to know you. And they need to know you to like you.

• Not taking responsibility

If people don’t like you, it’s your own fault. Likable people are liked in all circumstances. If you blame people for your problems, people aren’t going to like you — even if they’re not among the people you blame.

• Hiding from objective feedback

You
can get it from therapists, co-workers, teachers, and coaches, but you
have to seek it out. And if you don’t, then you probably don’t have a
good sense of your least likable qualities. So you don’t have the
knowledge to make yourself likable.

• Not trying to change

All
the knowledge in the world can’t overcome an inability to change. The
ego is very strong and can rationalize anything. Don’t let yours do
that. Take criticism to heart, and address it no matter how likable you
think you are to begin with.

You’ll be more likable right away, because listening to others and trying to change are both inherently likable qualities.

This entry was posted on Friday, June 1st, 2007 at 6:05 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.